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Thursday, February 23, 2012

Troll The Dial To Eleven 2012

This article has an update/correction dated 2012-02-29. Click on the title and scroll to the end to read the update.

When Newt Gingrich, in a cheeky commentary of President Obama's energy policy, told supporters at a recent campaign stop that "you can't put a gun rack in a [Chevy] Volt," I got a gleeful smile on my face. "Challenge accepted, sir," I declared, making a mental list of Chevy dealerships.

Then I realized something. What Chevy dealership in their right minds would let me attach a gun rack to a $32k piece of machinery without first, at minimum, leasing it for 3 years. If nothing else said gun rack could run the risk of causing unwanted depreciation and/or voiding the warranty. Suffice it to say, here in Newt's home state of Georgia, there is a very high probability that the owners of my local Chevy dealerships (and the majority of their employees) are Newt supporters and would probably kick my ass six ways to Friday temple.

Temporarily thwarted, I searched the web for that off-chance—that hope of all hopes—that someone might actually already have a photo of a Chevy Volt with a gun rack installed. I mean: Internet rules dictate that "someone already did it better," right? I did not find a photo of a Volt with a gun racks but I did find that the rule still applied. A little "right click → save as" and some text insertion via MS Paint and I was ready to troll Newt's Facebook page.

You Might be a Redneck, if...

Surprisingly, this makes sense to me.

Guns on her rack

Gun Rack on Stroller
(With this, I would be ready for Z-Day)


I have nothing [well!—somethings] against Newt. In fact, on any other normal day, his comment would have gotten a little chuckle and face-palm from me. But, for some unknown and possibly unrelated reason, I was now itching for a fight.

I mean come on, Newt! You're better than this. Are you not the same man who crossed party lines to help Bill Clinton (and the country!) to bring about a projected budget surplus in the 1990s or are just Sarah Palin in a fat suit and wig? I really had high hopes for your presidential bid. If nothing else, I thought that if the GOP won, I'd prefer the winner to be you. I'm so disappointed.

All the same, how cool would it be if I could have gotten other people to post photos to his Facebook of gun racks on top of things—anything and everything—other than a Chevy Volt? But, sadly my dreams of meme glory was snuffed out before it could even spark a flame. I had no takers. On the upside, one of Newt's Facebook followers did not find my challenge to Gingrich Christ's sanctity amusing and decided to feed this precocious little troll.

But wait! Lo and behold! Here, I thought I was the wittiest little shit out there when I trolled Newt's Facebook Page with these photos. Remember: internet rules dictates that "someone already did it better."

I am an amateur compared to one, GA State Rep. Yasmin Neal (D-75), who, refusing to limit her skills to online forums and Facebook comments, used her position to troll the Georgia State Legislature directly, calling them out on their conservative biases and sexism.

Representing Jonesboro, GA—a lovely city not too far from where I grew up—Representative Neal has, proposed an anti-vasectomy legislation (H.B. 1116) in response to "Pain-Capable Unborn Child Protection Act" (H.B. 89), an anti-abortion bill that would limit abortions to pregnancies of less than 20 weeks. This is not the same legislation proposed early last year by the late Bobby Franklin (R-43, Marietta). That bill, H.B. 1—yes! that's a number 1, as in the law they thought was so important that it needed to be the first legislation to be proposed that year—would have legal classified abortions as murder and was so poorly written that it would criminalize the very personal and very tragic misfortune of a miscarriage.

Unlike H.B. 89, Rep. Neal's proposal has very little chance of passing or being taken as serious. But, that's besides the point. "Her spiel," The Jane Dough's Laura Donovan writes, "brings me back to the scene in Legally Blonde in which law student Elle Woods makes the case for sperm 'reckless abandonment.'" Like Donovan and many others, I salute Ms. Neal for her chutzpah. You got balls, lady. You've set a very high benchmark for me to aspire to.

Speaking of which: do you own a Chevy Volt?

*** Update and corrections***

29 February 2012 — The GA State Assembly voted and passed H.B. 954, the re-constituted version of H.B. 89 . It has moved to the State Senate. " The Bill had no exception for Victims of Rape nor incest and it forces women to carry dead babies to full term," according to a post by Rep. Neal on her Face book Page. To read the Atlanta Journal Constitution report, Click here.